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When we promise “in sickness and in health,” it may be a mercy that we don’t know exactly what lies ahead. Forcing food on an increasingly recalcitrant spouse. Brushing his teeth. Watching someone you love more than ever slip away day by day. As her husband James’s Parkinson’s disease with eventual dementia began to progress, writer Susan Allen Toth decides she intensely wants to keep her husband at home—the home he designed and loved and lived in for a quarter century—until the end.
No saint, as she often reminds the reader, Toth found solace in documenting her days as a caregiver. The result, written in brief, episodic bursts during the final eighteen months of James’s life, has a rare and poignant immediacy. Wrenching, occasionally peevish, at times darkly funny, and always deeply felt, Toth’s intimate, unsparing account reflects the realities of seeing a loved one out of life: the critical support of some friends and the disappearance of others; the elasticity of time, infinitely slow and yet in such short supply; the sheer physicality of James’s decline and the author’s own loneliness; the practical challenges—the right food, the right wheelchair, the right hospital bed—all intricately interlocking parts of the act of loving and caring for someone who in so many ways is fading away.
“We all need someone to hear us,” Toth says of the millions who devote their days to the care of a loved one. Her memoir is at once an eloquent expression of that need and an opening for others. No Saints around Here is the beginning of a conversation in which so many of us may someday find our voices.
- Sales Rank: #339760 in Books
- Published on: 2014-04-14
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .80" w x 5.38" l, .65 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 256 pages
Review
"While some readers may find the title of Susan Allen Toth’s No Saints around Here unintentionally ironic, it came to seem no more than apt to me. Halfway through the book, I was wondering how many saints could have matched her devotion in the care she gave to her husband or achieved the honesty, humor, and vividness of her moving account." —Garret Keizer, author of Privacy and Help
"That may be the book's greatest value—that caregivers of loved ones reading it will take comfort in knowing that what they are going through has been shared by many others." —Kirkus Reviews
"This is an important book, not just for lonely caregivers but also for us all. It ought to be required reading for anyone in a position to affect funding and social policy to benefit those who toil to care for others." —Star Tribune
"Each time I sat down and opened the book, I felt I was reading a heartfelt letter from a friend." —Books & Culture
"While some readers may find the title of Susan Allen Toth’s No Saints around Here unintentionally ironic, it came to seem no more than apt to me. Halfway through the book, I was wondering how many saints could have matched her devotion in the care she gave to her husband or achieved the honesty, humor, and vividness of her moving account." —Garret Keizer, author of Privacy and Help
"It is an honest and simple telling of her struggles, grief, pain, anger, and even hope as she sought to keep James at home to the very end which she did....I really appreciated this book for its practical wisdom and insight it offers both in my own care giving role and in my work as a clergy. I will be recommending it to others as a guide to help them as care givers and as those who help care givers. I rate this book an ‘outstanding’ read." —Le Padre Ver Livre
"With honesty, humor, and a beautiful and steadfast love for James, Susan carries the reader through all the ups and mostly downs of in-the-trenches caregiving. " —Mainstay
"Read it, read it, whether or not you’re a caregiver. You never know when you might become one." —Dave Wood
About the Author
Susan Allen Toth has written for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Harper’s, and Vogue, among other publications. Her many books include Blooming, Ivy Days, My Love Affair with England, England As You Like It, and Leaning into the Wind: A Memoir of Midwest Weather (Minnesota, 2006). A longtime teacher and writer-in-residence at Macalester College, Toth currently divides her time between rural Wisconsin and La Jolla, California.
Most helpful customer reviews
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
This is an absolutely superb, compelling, funny, tragic book by one of the best writers I have ever encountered.
By Kathleen A. Baxter
I was in the middle of another book I could hardly put down, but then this arrived. I decided to read the first chapter, and immediately abandoned the other (well, until I finished this one.)
The author's beloved husband James died a few years ago after struggling with Parkinson's Disease for years, and Susan was his caregiver. I have never been a real caregiver. I wish I had known what I learned from reading this book, which is utterly compelling and moving. I vow I will be a lot more thoughtful than I have been.
I will always immediately rush to read anything by Susan Allen Toth, and I cannot recommend this highly enough.
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
What a wonderful, thought provoking book!
By Riley Harrison
I would only quibble about the title. I think Susan Allen Toth is a saint. A heartwarming yet painful story about the care of a loved one who has been struck down with Parkinson's disease and dementia. My wife and I talked about this book for days. Thank you Susan.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
... book - I just did not want to be horribly depressed. I thought the daily newspaper did that ...
By Meg in Seattle
Originally I almost dreaded the thought of reading this book - I just did not want to be horribly depressed. I thought the daily newspaper did that well enough. But I feared for nought. The book is often funny, in spite of the depressing topic, and always rings true. Susan does not try to make herself someone she is not - she is so honest about her feelings and frustrations that it gives you some courage to think perhaps you could do this too, if necessary. The love for her husband always shines through and you grieve with her for what she/they have lost. But at least she has the memory of it, whereas he has ----- who knows what, as he progresses (regresses) into his state of unknowing. To read this chronicle is to know what love is capable of, what we each might be capable of, and what we may do to make ourselves capable of providing or accepting care. I agree with another reviewer who said that Susan was indeed a saint. But beyond that, the book is in many ways delightful - don't miss it.
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